Before I entered my current school with my current course, I have think of so many times of what I wanted to be and what profession shall I focus on. And with my decision, I am pretty sure that I will grow more on that course. But suddenly, Benilde came into my life that turned my world upside down.
Like the words I have said in my previous blog, I never really imagine myself getting involve with computer career nor even think of getting a course like the one I am currently at. In short, everything happening around me is not the actual plan I have prepared for myself before leaving secondary school. The worse is I have no plan B to consider. But I have no time (and maybe no right) to change this plan yet holding back was the only way I did for the sake of myself!
I just accepted what fate has provided me. The right to complain has no place in my world. So silence is what I've practiced the moment I have faced this reality. I am mute but not this time!
Honestly, I gradually learn and understand that maybe this program is not really meant for me-- that maybe my skill will never meet its requirements. Everyday is becoming hell day though most of the major subjects are not yet involve. Well thats the point! No major subjects yet, nonetheless, I found the program hard to deal with.
I was just triggered with this agony when a friend ask me as to how passion and purpose would possibly be combined. I guess I answered the question incorrectly since I, myself do not know how to--perhaps--apply it with this kind of situation. Well, I have the purpose but the passion? I am hardly trying to bring it in.
The time she asked that question was also the time when I almost gave up with the activity given to us. Twas just a simple program and yet I roughly spend all of my braincells to critically understand the logic and the structure of it. Same thing with the previous activities.
There were times, perhaps, that I was able to do the correct coding. But that was because of the codes presented by my professor. I just copied it then make some modifications then done. I really haven't done any codes that I did alone. That's why I felt not learned only accomplished.
I am not giving up. I am just trying to scrutinize my current status. And just trying to figure out what the word passion meant to me.
There were times that I found the interest I am chasing for yet I am no help in pursuing it. Aside from the real passion I have, I found diplomatic affairs more interesting than what I am holding on. Social analysis, current news, social situations, Public services, cultural differences, foreign relations, etc: These are the things I prefer more than facing the computer while dealing with dang codes!
They say follow what your passion is telling you and you will succeed. Yet, how will I follow it if there were people trying to hinder me with whom I owe much. Do I still have to go after my passion or shall I consider how they pulled off my life to reach where I am currently at.
Right now, adjustment is the exact term to use to say that I am okay. I really am okay! I am a great fighter yet a soft hearted man. I have adjusted so many times so giving up is a none sense discussion or even a useless vocabulary. Anyway, no option doesn't necessarilly mean no chance of going out of the box. I have dreamt of something big so being stranded in a box is not actually a pleasing imagery.